Special thanks to Dolimir for writing part III, Sue Wells for writing the epilogue, and to all of you who gave me ideas for more Rubber Duck stories

Blair closed his eyes, enjoying the soothing warmth of water on sore muscles.

His peace was disturbed by the bathroom door opening.

"Hey, man, ever heard of knocking?"

Silence.

"Jim?"

Something hit the water with a small splash, and the door clicked shut.

Blair opened his eyes.

A small rubber duck floated above his stomach.

He laughed, and thought back to that afternoon.

When they wrapped up the kidnapping case, the girl had declared that she wanted a bubble bath with her rubber duck.

Blair had mumbled that *he* had never had a rubber duck.

Blair smiled.

~~Splash~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

10-20-00 - Rubber Duck II: The revenge

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

Something tugged at the edge of Jim's concentration

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

He hit mute on the TV and cocked his head, trying to pinpoint the sound.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

Realization flooded in. The rubber duck he'd given Sandburg.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

The kid had kept mumbling about not having one as a child, so Jim just gone out and bought one.

He hadn't thought of the consequences.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

This was going to drive him nuts.

Jim stood, and strode into the kitchen. He filled a large bowl with cold water and headed for the bathroom.

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! Jim!"

"No more squeaking!"

10-21-00 - Rubber Duck III: The Outrage by Dolimir

Blair stumbled wearily into his bedroom and dropped his backpack as he contemplated his next move. Should he go to sleep or take a hot shower? He spied the rubber duckie on his dresser. A bath was exactly what he needed. A long hot soak to restore his soul.

He picked up the rubber bird up and headed towards the bathroom.

"Long day, Sandburg?"

"Yeah. Just gonna soak for a bit."

Climbing into the tub, he playful squeezed his duck, but nothing happen. He turned it over for a closer examination.

"Jim, man, I can't believe you neutered my duck!"

10-22-00 - Rubber Duck IV: Payback

Blair plotted and schemed.

First the cold water, then the de-squeaking. Jim would have to pay. His rubber duck would be avenged.

Blair pulled the tape-recorder out of his pocket and glanced around. No one in sight.

He picked up a rubber duck off of the shelf, hit record, and started squeezing.

Blair looked down at the timer that he had borrowed from a student taking electrical engineering.

He grinned evilly, and set it for 3 AM, then attached it to his duck squeaking tape.

He went to bed happy, locking the French doors.

He slept soundly through Jim's swearing.

10-23-00 - Rubber Duck V: Counterstrike

Blair glanced furtively at the loft door.

No sign of Jim.

He grabbed his new rubber duck and headed for a relaxing bath.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

Jim heard it on his way up the stairs.

This was war!

Jim contemplated his Guide's fate, then smiled evilly.

Blair emerged from his bath feeling relaxed and happy.

He opened the French doors and stopped short.

How had Jim moved so fast?

He hadn't taken that long of a bath.

His room was covered in Bert and Ernie decorum, even the sheets on his bed.

Then he heard it.

"Rubber ducky, you're the one..."

10-24-00 - Rubber Duck VI: Truce

Jim had gone too far this time.

It had taken him an hour to rearrange his room, and Jim kept playing that Rubber Duck song over and over.

Finally removing the last remnant of Bert and Ernie, Blair stormed out to confront Jim.

He stopped short, his angry words dying on his lips, when Jim confronted him with the tape recording.

"Oh, I guess that was a bit much, huh?"

"You could say that."

Blair smiled sheepishly, and shrugged. "Truce?"

Jim's lips twitched. "Fine. You can squeak the duck, as long as I'm not home."

Blair smiled brilliantly.

Order restored.

10-24-00 - Rubber Duck VII: New Player

Simon paused outside the loft, raising his hand to knock.

He dropped it in astonishment at what he heard coming from inside.

Two voices rose in unison.

"Rubber ducky, you're the one. Rubber ducky, you're so much fun."

The singing cut off, as Jim called out. "Come in, Simon."

Simon entered with some trepidation.

He stopped and stared.

The usually neat as a pin loft was strewn with Bert and Ernie decorum, and Jim and Blair sat, tossing a rubber duck back and forth.

Both turned to him, and in unison said, "Hi, Simon."

They resumed singing.

Simon left quickly.

10-24-00 - Rubber Duck VIII: New Plans

After Simon left, Jim and Blair looked at each other and smiled.

Blair waved vaguely at the door. "We scared him off."

Jim shrugged. "Must not have been important."

Blair looked thoughtful. "I've been thinking."

Jim smirked. "Dangerous pursuit."

Blair ignored him, gesturing around the loft. "I know what to do with all this stuff."

"What do you have in mind, Chief?"

Blair's eyes sparkled. "Oh, I was thinking that Simon's office could use redecorating."

A slow smile spread across Jim's face. "Well, he does have a meeting with the commissioner tomorrow."

"Perfect."

The two former enemies began to plot.

10-24-00 - Rubber Duck IX: Redecorating

Simon sighed and slipped into the Bullpen.

He hated meetings with the Brass.

It was lunchtime, and the place was almost deserted.

He spotted Jim and Blair.

Those two.

He had no idea what he had interrupted the day before, and he was sure he didn't want to know.

He paused, studying them.

They glanced up, quickly averting their eyes, trying to look busy.

Simon frowned.

They looked positively smug.

He shrugged, and headed for his office.

He opened the door, then stopped and stared.

Bert and Ernie everywhere, with sheets used as tablecloths.

He was going to kill them.

10-27-00 - Rubber Duck X: Backlash

Simon placed the folded sheets in the box, then sat at his desk.

He'd give the whole kit and caboodle to Toy's for Tots.

He glanced down at the rubber duck in his hands.

Except, maybe, the duck.

Man, he remembered having one of these as a kid.

Amazing that such a simple toy could have offered him so many hours of fun.

That rubber duck had made baths bearable for your typical 'I'm not that dirty' kid.

He smiled at the memories and gave the duck a squeeze.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

In the Bullpen, Jim dropped his head and moaned.

10-27-00 - Rubber Duck XI: Looney Bin

Megan glanced around the still almost deserted Bullpen.

She frowned.

Jim was slowly and methodically banging his head on his desk, and Blair was laughing at him.

Well, if Blair was laughing, it couldn't be too serious.

Megan glanced toward Simon's office.

Yes, she could see the captain through the glass.

She blinked.

Captain Simon Banks was playing with a rubber duck!

She glanced back at Jim and Blair who hadn't seemed to notice her.

"Crikey! Has everyone gone looney?"

No one answered her question.

Megan decided there must be *something* urgent that needed following up.

She left quickly.

10-28-00 - Rubber Duck XII: In Spanish

Daryl waited impatiently for the elevator to arrive.

He was really excited about surprising his dad.

His dad was supposed to pick him up tonight so they could spend the weekend together, but his mom was leaving on a business trip and Daryl had convinced her to leave him at the station.

The elevator finally arrived.

Daryl strolled into the Bullpen, waving at Jim and Blair, then heading for his father's office.

"Surprise, Dad! Guess what I learned in Spanish class?"

Without waiting for an answer, Daryl launched into song.

"Rubber Duckie, g'ozalo

En el ba~no, nosotros dos..."

Simon groaned.

10-28-00 - Rubber Duck XIII: Conspiracy

"Ellison! Sandburg! My office!"

Jim and Blair glanced at each other.

They had hoped the arrival of Daryl would buy them a reprieve.

They slowly approached the office.

Daryl was perched on the conference table.

Simon was seated behind his desk, frowning.

"Gentlemen, explain yourselves."

"Blair wanted a duck."

"You took the squeaker out. You dumped the water on me!"

"You woke me up at 3 AM!"

"You redecorated my room!"

Simon cut in. "Children! That's enough. I don't want to know."

Jim and Blair fell silent.

"Now. Who's next for the duck treatment?"

Evil grins spread across four faces.

10-28-00 - Rubber Duck XIV: Squeaky

Rafe glanced around the Bullpen nervously.

*Where is everybody? It's not usually this deserted around here.*

The only people in the room were Jim and Blair, and both seemed intently absorbed with what they were doing.

Rafe shrugged, and glanced towards Simon's office.

He smiled, seeing Daryl talking enthusiastically to his dad.

Rafe sighed as he pondered the paperwork piled on his desk.

He plopped into his chair

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

He rose, looking for the source of the noise, but didn't find anything.

He sat, cautiously.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

He jumped up, then he saw the duck in Jim's hand.

"Ellison!"

10-29-00 - Rubber Duck XV: Duck Bombing

Brown strolled into the Bullpen, then stopped and stared.

Rafe, Jim and Blair were all working studiously, totally ignoring the fact that his desk was overflowing with rubber ducks.

Somewhere under the pile a tape was playing.

"Rubber Ducky, you're the one.

Rubber Ducky, you're so much fun."

Brown began searching for the recorder.

He clicked it off.

Nobody had looked up yet.

He eyed the pile of ducks, then the three bent heads.

He gathered up three of them.

He shot them with rapid-fire precision.

All three found their targets.

Return fire was immediate.

Paperwork was abandoned.

Mayhem ensued.

10-29-00 - Rubber Duck XVI: In the Trenches

Joel leaned wearily against the side of the elevator.

*All morning in court. I feel exhausted and the day's only half over.*

The elevator dinged for the seventh floor.

Joel pushed himself off the side and toward the door.

*I could really use an energizing activity about now.*

He paused outside the Bullpen, and stared.

Four grown men were hiding behind different desks, throwing rubber ducks at each other in all out warfare.

Simon was entrenched in his office with his son, seemingly oblivious to the war in the Bullpen.

*You wanted something energizing.*

Joel grabbed a duck and threw.

10-30-00 - Rubber Duck XVII: Madhouse

Megan pulled into the DP parking garage.

Jim and Simon's vehicles had been joined by Rafe, Brown and Joel's vehicles.

Maybe now things wouldn't be so crazy up there.

Megan sighed.

Crazy or not, she couldn't think of any more excesses to avoid the paperwork piled on her desk.

Megan exited the elevator and approached the Bullpen slowly.

She stared.

Things had gone from bad to worse.

Five grown detectives were currently engaged in all out rubber duck warfare.

One of the ducks smacked her on the forehead.

*If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.*

She threw the duck back.

10-30-00 - Rubber Duck XVIII: Hostage

All levity stopped when the call came in.

Hostage situation.

A guy had tried to rob a jewelry store.

The manager had slipped out the back.

No one had known about the small girl until the police showed up.

The guy threatened to kill her.

They were still looking for her mother.

Jim snuck in the back and took out the would be thief.

The poor girl was terrified.

She wouldn't let anyone touch her.

Blair remembered the duck, and pulled it out of his pocket.

She looked at it with big eyes, then threw herself into Blair's arms.

Safety.

10-31-00 - Rubber Duck XIX: Donation

The commissioner spoke.

"You'll be very impressed with the Major Crimes Unit.

They have an excellent arrest record, and they work well together."

The man smiled insincerely, unimpressed with the pompous commissioner.

He would reserve judgment for when he saw this 'wonderful' unit.

He followed the commissioner off the elevator, resigned to his fate.

They approached the room.

He was surprised to hear singing.

"Rubber Ducky, you're the one..."

Seven men and one woman were all entertaining a young girl by singing and playing catch with a bunch of rubber ducks.

The commissioner moaned, but the man smiled.

Donation assured.

10-31-00 - Rubber Duck XX: The Duck

*This is the life.*

The duck gazed down from the office shelf.

*I'm a hero, decorated by the police, placed in this spot of honor.

I'm used to soothe frightened children, to avoid paperwork, and to have fun.*

A hand descended and lifted the duck into the air.

A small, tear stained face swam into his view.

He was squeezed gently.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

The tears slowed as a tentative smile crept across the sweet face.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

The smile grew wider, and a small laugh bubbled out.

"Rubber Ducky!"

Little hands grabbed.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

*Yes, it's good to be needed.*

11-03-00 - Rubber Duck epilogue: Ersatz by Sue Wells

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

Jim glanced up from reading his newspaper. The door opened and Blair entered. "Stop squeezing that damned-" He broke off, seeing Blair's empty hands. No rubber duck.

"Hey, man. What do you think of my new shoes? I got 'em for our meeting this afternoon."

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

"Plain old white Reeboks, on sale. Sneaks won't touch 'em with a ten-foot pole!"

"Never mind Sneaks, Chief. You're returning those shoes right now."

Blair walked over to Jim.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

"Why--? Oh...that. The manufacturer's label said something about possible noise emission when wearing, due to the air-cushioned construction of the soles."

He bounced. ~Squeak~Squeak~Squeak~Squeak~Squeak~

"I'm sure it's only temporary, while I get them broken in."

"Uh, uh. Those Reeboks are going back, pronto. Go put on a pair of penny loafers--Sneaks despises them."

"Penny loafers!? Do I look like a man who wears penny loafers?"

"Put on something else, then. Hurry up, our meeting's in twenty minutes."

"Okay, okay," Blair grumbled, walking towards his room.

~~Squeak~~Squeak~~Squeak~~Squeak~~Squeak~~

"And I'm gonna want to see that return receipt, Chief!"

~end~

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